Sunday, August 4, 2013

Men Caring for Children

How many of you know a father who taken an active role in helping to raise his kids? I don't mean teaching morals and that type of stuff but actually giving a helping hand in the everyday stuff like taking them to school, getting them dressed, and changing diapers? I'll confess I don't really know any.
While my father will cook, he leaves the raising of the children to my stepmom. Oh sure I'll help out when I can but she does the majority of the bathing, dressing, feeding, etc. While we were living in Italy, my dad actually stayed home with my little sister. He was miserable. To him, staying at home with the kids is a woman's job. Maybe my dad is a special case but this is what I grew up with so this is what I know.
One blog that I've been following for awhile is actually a daddy blog called Ask Your Dad Blog. While this guy doesn't stay home with the kids I feel like he's a great example of what a dad should be like. He helps out with the kids and isn't afraid to write about his emotions for the world to see. He obviously loves his kids and would do anything for them. He also had a viral post called "Dear Hypothetically Gay Son" in which he professed that he would still love his son even if he was gay. Now why can't all men (and women) be like that?

I think that if raising kids was shown in a more favorable light, men would be more willing to help out with it. I know many stay-at-home moms in my neighborhood but no dad who stay at home. I think there is a stigma attached to men raising kids. It's not a manly job supposedly. So, men leave it to women.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Traditional Family

Traditional family. What does that phrase bring to mind when you hear it? To me it means a mom and a dad with two kids living in the suburbs. Let's not forget the white picket fence. Of course mom stays at home while dad works. Some people see this as a step backward for feminism and mothers everywhere. Is it really though?
I don't think there's anything wrong with traditional family. It bothers me that people trash moms who wants to be stay-at-home moms. There's actually a Family Guy episode (of all things) that makes a really good point about traditional family. Lois (the mom) is having an argument with another woman who is a self-professed feminist. The woman criticizes Lois as being "hostile towards someone who's fighting so a woman like you can become more than a housewife." Lois answers that "feminism is about choice" and that she chooses to be a wife and mother. This is such a valid argument to me. Isn't that what feminism should be about? I choose to be a mother. I choose to not get married. I choose to stay at home. I have actually considered being a stay-at-home mom. I think it would be really rewarding and a job in its own right.
What about nontraditional family though? Well this could really encompass anything couldn't it? A single parent family, a lesbian couple, etc. It shouldn't matter how many moms there are, who stays home, who goes to work. The list could go on and on. I think any type of family is valid as long as the children are happy and healthy and loved.

I grew up in a very strange family environment. My mom and dad are divorced but still get along. My mom and stepmom get along amazingly. My half sister calls my mom Aunt Lisa and my grandma Ms. Irene. This isn't a traditional family by any means. And yet we are happy. We love each other and that's what matters.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Beloved

The book Beloved was a very conflicting story for me. It was in turns gripping and haunting. Beloved was an interesting character. She came out of the river at a time when Sethe found herself thinking of a new beginning with Paul D and Denver. At first we didn't know who Beloved was but as the book goes on it is revealed that Beloved was Sethe's murdered daughter back from the dead. Paul D had exorcised her spirit from the house so she came back in the form of a young woman.
I was very conflicted with Beloved's character. At first I felt sympathy for her. She had been killed by her mother at only two years old. That had to have been a very confusing thing. Thus, her haunting the house. When she came back she was very helpless, almost like a small child. As she matured though, she grew more and more malicious.
Once Sethe figured out who Beloved was, was when things got really interesting. Denver knew for a long while who Beloved was and sought to protect her from their mother. However, once Sethe knew the truth Beloved made life a living hell for her. Nothing was ever good enough for Beloved. All Sethe wanted was for Beloved to forgive her and to make her understand why she had done what she did.

In my honest opinion, Beloved was a spoiled brat. Yes, her mother had killed her, but that was YEARS ago and she had spent so long atoning for it. Once Beloved left, I don't think Sethe ever recovered. I think Sethe spent the rest of her life in that bed. I think Beloved sent her to her grave essentially. It was revenge pure and simple.

Raising a Son

            This post can relate to my previous post in that it talks about raising children. However, I'm going to talk exclusively about raising a son. Jess Wells talked about the advantages of lesbians raising sons. There are multiple. These include sensitivity, nonviolence, strong feminist concepts, and self-sufficiency. These are wonderful but I disagree with her statements that only sons raised in lesbian households are taught these traits.
            My brother was raised in a patriarchal household and is extremely self-sufficient, sensitive, and nonviolent. He can bake (very well I might add) as well as hammer a nail. My dad does nearly all of the cooking in our house. If anything, don't even bother trying to get my stepmom to cook because it will come out horrible.

I think Wells uses her own stereotypes in saying that boys raised in patriarchal households cannot have the traits she listed. While she argues for teaching sons the equality of people, she herself sets up a stereotype that I have firsthand experience does not always exist. Stereotypes in essence are saying that people are not equal. Perhaps she needs to lift the veil some more and see that sons don't have to be raised by lesbians to have feminist qualities.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Feminist Raising a Child

            Ever since I became engrossed in feminism and the idea of equal rights for everyone, I have thought about how I would raise my child. I am only 24 years old right now and I'm not even sure if I want kids. However it is still a thought that I have in my head.
            I grew up with one younger brother. I would dress him up in my dresses and do his makeup. Boy, my dad did not like that. I remember once I think in middle school asking my dad "What would you do if one of your kids turned out gay?" He said "None of my kids will ever be gay." Surprise, surprise! My brother is gay. My dad has grown though since those times. He accepts my brother for who he is. As a parent I would strive to embrace my child no matter who they turned out to be. If she wants to dress as a boy and play with monster trucks who cares? I love Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as a couple because they let their kids be who they want to be. One of their little girls is constantly dressing as a boy and cuts her hair short and they could give a fig!
            To see a recent story about a boy dressing as a girl just go to Huffington Post. This mom brought her son to the store. He was wearing a pink headband and was so happy with it. Then a man snatched it off of his head and called him a rather nasty word. It's events like this that can be avoided in the future if people would just teach their children to love one another and that it doesn't matter what someone looks like on the outside. It's who they are on the inside.

I want to teach my daughter what it is to be a strong woman and give her the power of the word "no". I want to teach my son to respect women and to listen to the word "no" in all its forms on the first time. I also want to teach them that everyone is equal no matter their color, sex, orientation, etc. It all comes down to teaching our future generations to do the right thing.

Postpartum Depression

In reading Anger and Tenderness by Adrienne Rich, I felt uncomfortably sympathetic with the mother who had committed infanticide due to depression. I don't condone infanticide by any means. Rich's "Of Woman Born" was published in 1976 and I don't think postpartum depression was considered an actual illness during that time. Perhaps if the woman had been able to get the help she so desperately needed, her children would not have been killed. Here was this woman in serious trouble and because she was expected to do everything on her own as a mother, she spiraled downward and hit absolute rock bottom. And yet, she had a group of women sympathizing with her plight. Obviously this woman was not the only one who had moments of doubt and loathing. She had just acted upon them.
I feel like even today postpartum depression is still a big thing. Just doing a search on "postpartum depression blog" brought up TONS of links to different mommy blogs that deal with postpartum depression. One really great one is http://www.postpartumprogress.com/. It is an award-winning site founded in 2004 and helps moms all over deal with PPD.

According to a Northwestern Medicine study, 14% of women become depressed after giving birth. They studied 10,000 women which means that 1400 of them were depressed. When you think about it that's really a lot. This was a study so the women were contacted to do this. In my opinion not every woman is going to be assessed for depression after giving birth. How many women are going around being depressed and not receiving the help they need? I think a lot of women also won't ask for help either. I used to be depressed and I know I never really asked for help. Even though the causes of depression are different, not wanting to seek help because of the social stigma against depression is the same.